Yes, Social Media Specialist is my job. No, that doesn't mean I can't unplug from my personal accounts. But it does make me appreciate the great writers out there who use Social Media as an outlet! There are some accounts - like this @ozChrisRock parody - that have me laughing (and wishing) I could write the same posts personally and professionally.
Here are some highlights -
- You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
- I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
- Sir. Your burrito is $4.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $286,932.79
- Don't worry if someone doesn't text you back. Most people only check their phones every 5 seconds all day long.
- Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
- If a woman watches a movie alone, who answers all of her questions?
- Sorry I didn't recognize you. I've only seen you on Instagram so I was looking for the person wearing 3 filters and an inspirational quote.
- Selfie - (ˈselfē) noun: a picture taken of yourself to show strangers on the internet that you have no friends to take pictures of you
- You only live once, so don't forget to spend 15 hours every day on the internet, desperately searching for the validation of strangers.
- Before you get married ask yourself: is this the person you want to watch stare at their phone the rest of your life?
- Sometimes I wonder if all of America isn't just a reality show being produced for the entertainment of the rest of the world.
- Mistakes married men make:
- Doing things.
- Not doing things.
- Thinking about doing things.
- Not thinking about doing things.
And my favorite one, that I also have framed in my office:
Facebook is down. Twitter is down. Instagram is down.
Worker productivity rises.
U.S. climbs out of recession.